Here I Go Again

I am exhausted! I spent today in the Dr.'s office with my 6 yr old, Alex. He has "viral croup", whatever that is. The Dr. just gave him some cortisone for inflamation around his vocal cords, and said he would be fine. Yesterday was MY day in the Dr.'s office. For those of you that don't know, I had a cervical fusion done on my neck 3 months ago. The pain hasn't got any better since the surgery, and the Dr. thinks it's a different disc giving me trouble other than the one that he operated on. Great!! So now I'm headed back to get ANOTHER MRI. Then he is talking about putting me through some painful test that is supposed to help distinguish the correct area of the problem.  I don't know the name of it, but he says I will hate him afterwards. Not looking foward to that or to the thought of going through spine surgery again! I have spent the last 26 or so years with constant non stop muscle spasms, and in DAILY, EXCRUCIATING, PAIN!! I was only taken to a chiropractor by my dad when I was a kid so I spent the first 8 or 9 years in the chiroprator's office, sometimes 2 and 3 times a week, EVERY week. When I hit my 20's I started seeing medical Doctors. I bounced from one doctor to the next trying to find some kind of relief. They would look at me, without even listening to what I had to say or doing any x-rays, and tell me nothing was wrong with me, that I was stressed, or better yet just act like they didn't even believe me. I would go home and cry and start doubting myself, thinking maybe there isn't anything wrong with me, maybe it is stress. Then the excruciating pain would kick in again, and I would realize there IS something terribly wrong! Some days I would wake up and not even be able to turn my head from side to side. The doctors blamed it on me going school, on me having kids, etc, etc, etc. They would tell me to exercise or take alieve. What a joke!! I have had many steroid injections, botox injections for the muscle spasms, facet injections, massages, injections in my occipital nerves in the back of my neck in order to stop the cooling, searing (as I call it) pain in my right temple and above my right eye, spent money on therapy, and medicines. When I'm not at work, I spend most of the time with either ice or heat on neck and shoulder, along with creams, like "capsacin" -which will make your skin feel like it is on fire. I have spent many, many years having to self medicate just to make it through the day. None of these things have helped a whole lot, they just kept me from killing myself. Although the pain has caused me to have some seriously crazy thoughts, like stabbing the back of my shoulder with an ice pick over and over, or taking a knife and cutting off the right side of my neck and right shoulder (of course I know better). Even after an MRI was finally done about 2 years ago, the doctors still acted like they didn't even have a clue, regardless of the fact I had been describing the exact symtoms of a pinched nerve all along, and that the MRI showed a bulging disc, bone spurs, degenerative disc disease, foraminal stenosis, and constant spasms. Work is a whole other ball game. At this point I can barely get through two or three shifts a week at work. The entire time I'm there, I am in pain. The longer I'm there, the tighter and more painful my neck and shoulder get. This isn't good considering I have three children to support and rarely receive any child support for my two oldest. On top of having to push through the pain at work, SOME of my co-workers have been less than kind to me to say the least. They have made fun of me, called me a hypocondriac, criticized me for not doing more work, and even laughed at me! This abuse and unempathetic attitude from my co-workers has not only been hurtful but also made it that much harder for me to deal with work. All the while, I have worked, put myself through college, and raised 3 boys, basically on my own.  Now I finally have a doctor who will listen to me, and believes me. I just hope he can help me. My two oldest sons will be grown soon, and my oldest will probably be going off to college soon if he gets his wish. I just want to be without all of this horrible chronic pain so that I can enjoy my children more, and so I can enjoy life a little more. Please say a prayer for us, and I will update as soon as I know more.